Somebody remind me that I'm not a quitter, please.

It is currently 6:07 PM in Raleigh, the place I call "home" for the moment. It is 98 degrees. That is not a typo.

It is entirely too hot to run. I proved that after a failed attempt at 4 miles on Friday, where I only half ran the first mile and a half and had to stop 3 times on the way back because I was so faint.

I am exceptionally frustrated at the moment - all I want to do is run, but it would seem that doing so would be to tempt the fates in a most unintelligent manner. So I tae bo. And that's worse than running. Worse because I am horribly uncoordinated and I spend half the video yelling at Billy Blanks because I just can't do that and I run in place instead.

I'm also frustrated because I've been training for 3 weeks - and I'm seeing no results. I don't run any faster, further, or with any less pain than I did at the beginning of May. My clothes don't fit any better and I still feel, at times, like I am bursting out of my skin. This would be understandable if I ate like a fool or drank heavily on a daily basis or something - but I don't. I really do watch what I eat, drink with little frequency, and yet...

*Sigh* I tire sometimes of complaining, but in my defense, it's the first time in 3 weeks of training that I've really considered giving it all up.

Today:
Weight: 145 (still - which isn't all bad after a wedding and a weekend full of food)
X-Training: I don't think 20 minutes counts. Today's a bust.

Need to join a gym. Need to find the $70 I'll need to start up (after that, only $10/month!). Friday's payday. We'll see.

Billy Blanks, you hurt me so good....

128 days to Hartford.

Today's stats:
Weight: 145 (so obviously 148 was a bit off yesterday)
X-Training: Tae-Bo (Fat Burn Accelerator video)

Tae-Bo kicked my butt. Slaughtered it. Absolutely made me want to give up. But I didn't and I made it through the whole 50 minute video, even if I did have to jog in place a few times - because honestly, I'm just. not. that. coordinated.

It's getting hot outside. Dangerously hot. 80 oz of water is not an ultimate goal any more. That's a starting point - and if I plan on running, especially outside, I need to add another 20 or 3o oz. I've thought about joining a gym, just to be able to run inside. Krista told me to join her gym when I return to Charlotte so we can work out together. (She is my regular 5K partner, but I couldn't convince her to run the half-marathon with me.) My father also has a standing offer to pay for martial arts training for me so I am not raped, abducted, murdered, or some combination of the three. I think he gets nervous about my living in a city where I don't know anyone and where I am often out on the road alone running. I don't worry too much about that, honestly, but martial arts seems like an awesome stress buster and a great way to gain some muscle.

So the question remains whether or not to join a gym while I'm here in Raleigh or to wait. 97 - 98 degree highs all the upcoming week. I think my decision may be made for me.

Things I learned today:
Gatorade is no substitute for water.
Reduced fat oreos taste like they're reduced fat.
Sports bras are pretty much one-use-only.
Note to self: Buy more sports bras...

This weekend should be interesting: Bachelorette party tomorrow, wedding Saturday. Plenty of opportunity to botch the work I've put into this. Running shoes are the first thing I'm packing tonight.
This weekend's goals: 4 mile run, 2 mile run, Tae-Bo (1/2 hour core-building video).

Re-cap

Here's how it all began:
I picked up a Runner's World magazine during my layover in Atlanta at the beginning of May, where I was returning from a 5K at Walt Disney World. To be honest, it was just a great excuse to get away for a few days with my older sister and a certain famous mouse. (Don't misunderstand - we ran our butts off - no PR, but we did all right.)

The next weekend I was scanning through it as I got ready for bed. I saw a bright orange page, an ad for the Hartford ING Marathon/Half-Marathon/5K/Fun Run/whatever else they can cram into one event. I stopped. I read it over. Considered it. Then sent a simple message to my best friend, who lives a mere 1/2 hour outside of Hartford: "Half Marathon in Hartford in October. Can I crash at your place?" She called the next day. Admitted that she had been out drinking the night before and had no idea if she had even responded or what she might have said. I ask again if it would be okay if I stayed at her place for that weekend.

"I'll do you one better," she says. "I'll run it with you." Girly squealing and intense excitement ensued. Not only do I get to see my best friend (who I only see about once a year), but we're going to share blood, sweat and tears on the streets of Hartford. We registered and now it's official: 129 days til 13.1 miles.

I'll be honest, I've never liked running. There has been only one other time in my life that I ran with any regularity and to be frank, it was a time of obsession and pain and hurt. For me to go from couch potato to runner extraordinaire and half-marathoner in 6 months is no small feat.

I started running on a weekly basis the week after I got back from Disney. I've been running monthly 5Ks for almost 7 months now and this is the first time I've hit the asphalt between races. It's not easy. It's tough. But surprisingly, I'm starting to enjoy it. I'm starting to crave it, as crazy as that sounds.

We'll go into the reasons for that later, I'm sure, as the turmoil in my personal life is part of the reason I run: for escape, for peace, for that 45 minutes to myself where no one can touch me.

For now, I'll just end with today's stats, though I'll be honest, I don't exactly remember the number on the scale this morning.

Weight: 148. Ish.
Mileage: 2.5 mi.
Today's lesson: Lean pockets can totally be part of a balanced meal.